The L-Word by Comedy Writer Denny Dormody

The L-Word Hollywood Milieu ©2009

Written by Denny Dormody

The L-word is all around the movie industry. From small budget B movies to bigger budget epics. People outside of the movie industry don’t even know it exists. But on sets, you hear it being talked about all the time. But, always in the shadows. Make-up people. Wardrobe people. Certainly the crew. Always the background extras. Set-gossip aside, the L-word is not about two women having dinner. The L-Word is lunch.

Long days. Tedious hours. Maybe there’s nothing much to talk about on-set. Usually the discussion is about when lunch will be served. Six hours from crew call is not always accurate. Call sheet schedules are usually close to actual lunch times, when they list the projected time for lunch. It’s still Dead Reckoning, no matter how you look at it.

Luckily, and not known or discussed outside of Hollywood, lunch is free and saves everyone a lot of money, especially the background players. I guess if you have arrived professionally and are stashing $300,000 away for working each 7-day TV episode, then lunch money isn’t a big deal. It’s chump change for any A or even B list player.

However if you are working minimum wage of $64/8 hours as Non-Union, or as a buddy coined the phrase, Non-Human, then the L-Word is important. A free breakfast and usually lunch on set each day, sure saves on food expenses. It make good business sense.

Napoleon said an army travels on its stomach, and so do all film production shoots. Most of all the sets I’ve worked on have been quite generous with the chow. People work happier when they have been fed. Early one Saturday morning in LA, we were unhappy.

Saturday morning. The Jonas Brothers Movie. 5:30 am. We are all on time. A nasty lady in charge didn’t get her beauty sleep. She takes it out on us. We are on time, the PA’s, her production assistants straggle in late. In groups of 100 we are walked through the still-waking city streets down to the production base camp and then on to set. We are in the last group of 100 and we are walked directly to the set. Cameras are ready to roll.

As the director, speaking through a bull horn, gushes about the great shots we are going to get for the day, I anonymously cup my hands and say loudly for him and all to hear: “Are we going to work with no breakfast?” He is confused and asks what’s going on. The late arriving PA’s forgot to take us, the last 100 extras, to where breakfast was being served, a block from set. The nasty lady is embarrassed and tries to cover her behind.

She condescendingly tells us to go to the craft service catering area after the first few shots. I hustle a cup of coffee, a banana and power bar off a crew food cart nearby. Later they get their act together and the whole cast and crew and we hundreds of background extras are fed a delicious hot gourmet meal of steaks and lobster for lunch.

Some times lunch is called a walk-away for all the background extras. This means we have to find our own food. Most movie lots have commissary lunch facilities. But, it doesn’t make much fiscal sense to be making $64/8 hours and spend money buying your own lunch.

Most productions feed everyone equally, SAG background and Non-Union background and cast and crew. The folks at ER and many other thoughtful productions allocate a separate budget and provide pasta and salads for the background. It is much appreciated and I’m sure it shows on screen. It all makes for a much happier set when everyone is fed well and treated with respect.

A couple of seasons back. Friday night at Warner Brothers. We’ve been working near the back gate. Exteriors. It’s colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon. An announcement is made: “This is a one hour walk-away lunch.” At 10 pm the commissary is closed. Taco Bell across the street is not my idea of lunch. I always stash a power bar or three in my wardrobe bag for just such emergencies. But a power bar is not going to get me through the next few cold hours. What’s an actor to do? Do I starve? Or do I get street-smart?

I get street smart. College film and drama students, you’ll never find my course of action listed in the hallowed pages of An Actor Prepares.

I walk over to Stage 22. The West Wing is still working. I see a few background cronies I know. Lunch for the cast and crew and background is long over. I act like I know what I’m doing. I pick up a paper plate. Lasagna. Salad. A cup of Joe.

Where else but in America could a hungry actor just walk in off the street late at night and eat a free meal at The White House? Bon Apetit.

Denny Dormody is a Los Angeles Times Magazine published comedy writer and author of Riding the Hollywood Glacier. dennydormody@gmail.com